Waiting for a mastectomy is like waiting for a baby

I am really struck by a few things this week. Like, how waiting for my surgery is so similiar to waiting to have a baby.

Nesting

Everywhere I look, I see something I need to do to get ready for my big “event” (coming up in about a week). My God, those kitchen cupboards still need to be lined, and the fridge needs to be cleaned out. Wish I could get my bedroom cleaned and keep it that way. And my desk….(sigh) wish I was better at filing. The whole concept of the “nesting” thing….I always thought it was a male definition of womens’ activities in the last stages of pregnancy….a nice fuzzy description ascribed to “nature'” of what women are doing, when they are actually just frantically cleaning because they know that once that baby comes they will be too tired/busy/not care enough to clean again for a long while (and they pretty much know that if they don’t do it……………..well, you fill in the rest of the statement).  That’s how I feel, “nesting” for the event of losing my breasts.

Anxiety

I am so anxious to have this “rock” removed, while at the same time, really kind of a little concerned about the unknown.  So, how long am I going to be restricted to “lifting nothing heavier than the Sunday paper” anyways?  And the estrogen blocking medications I’ll have?  How do they make you feel?  How about those mood swings I have been warned about?  I’ve been pretty even keeled so far………

Once you get on this ride, there ain’t no gettin’ off.

Kind of like being pregnant, there is no “little bit” of cancer.  Once you come to awareness of this crappy disease as being your crappy disease, you have stepped onto a ride that has lows and highs and sometimes quick rides in between.  At least being pregnant was fun, this really isn’t much fun at all.  It’s been intense.  Instructive.  Even insightful, but not really much fun.  Newly diagnosed cancer has the power to pull a foggy grey curtain over all the joyful aspects of daily living.

I have 8 days to go…

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5 Responses to “Waiting for a mastectomy is like waiting for a baby”

  1. gaely Says:

    Hey there Kaylynne,

    Thank you for sharing this experience through your blog. One thing about you that is known, you are a survivor! I want you to know that you are being thought of very much and held there tightly. I can’t imagine what this must be like but you have many who are thinking of you with lots of love and concern and much positive mental attitude.

    I love you my dear dear friend. Please always know that. Gaely

  2. Cheryl Deutsch Says:

    Again! You’ve created a wonderful narrative to let us know what you’re thinking and must do in The Battle of the rock. I haven’t capitalized rock; that way it has less strength.

    Heaven knows where you’re getting the energy. Just considering your “to do” list makes me want to take to my bed. Please know I’m thinking about you and everyone.

  3. Heather E. Arquette Says:

    Kaylynne and Family:

    Please, stay as strong as I know you all can be!!! When you need someone, let me know. When you desire something special, let me know. Lou remember that you can call anytime. Louie and Charlie, stay strong for mom, if you need a play date call and you can come over anytime. Know that there are many prayers floating around for you. As I know prayers are powerful and work!!! Just keep thinking of your first walk with Kelsey as a SURVIVOR!!! She will be more that happy to have you walk with her!!!!

    Love, Heather, Joe, Kelsey and Micah

  4. Cathy Z Says:

    The rock has less strength and sounds less scary, and the unknown is freaky and difficult to prepare for it.
    Having things in order helps….when I was sick I made a big notebook with my records, test and notes. I hardly ever refered to it, but found keeping things in order gave me a since of control….though I had little. If cleaning helps, then clean, if drinking helps, then drink and I’ll join you…cleaning and lifting included.
    love you!

  5. Cheryl Deutsch Says:

    Today, while you’re in the hospital, know that many people are there with you though, it may only be in spirit. One certainty is we’re all sending our best energy with thoughts of love.

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