a little tiny bit jealous

Today, like every other Tuesday for the last 5  years, I picked up the Toledo Blade, glanced at the front page headlines, and quickly flipped to the Foods section to check out the feature story and side column.  I used to check to see if any recipes I personally tested were published and how they were presented. My “job” as the recipe tester for the Food Editor was really more than just a nice little part-time gig for me.

Being the “recipe tester’ was like taking a college class called, “Expanding your Culinary Horizons.”  Each week, I received a couple recipes to test, never knowing exactly what might show up in my “in” box.  I was to evaluate each recipe on a number of criteria very objectively, yet realistically.  It was fun, even when you had directions to prepare something you would never, ever choose to make on your own.   I loved this job so much!  

I can easily say one of the most difficult calls I had to make early in March after breast cancer first seared into my psyche was to call my editor and essentially end my own job.  I knew that I just couldn’t do a good job of “testing” while also trying to focus on the cancer plan pre-surgery, and of course, I had no idea of what to expect post-surgery.

Now, more than 3 weeks after surgery, I can’t even lift a plate out of the cupboard, much less even attempt to “cook”.  Of course, I haven’t even begun the hard work of chemotherapy yet.  So it was with a little sadness today that I read the comments of the Blade’s new “food expert”.  Kind of like watching an old boyfriend you really, really liked going out with a new girl.  I’m a little sad, a little tiny bit jealous, and just wish I could “function” again.

When will that be, anyways?  When do you get to feel normal again?  

Now theres a question no one wants to talk about, eh?

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