Now I get it about the rollercoaster….

Day 5, post chemo

Yuck.  That is how I feel.  About 36 hours ago, it was like hitting a wall.  I went from being “OK” to a serious achiness in my bones and a metallic taste in my mouth.  It is so very strange to lay perfectly still in my bed, and feel… pin points of pain, hopscotching around my body……. in the arch of my foot, then to a low rib, jumping to my hips, and the hard ones, a pain line from the back of my knees up my thighs. 

I lay perfectly still and wonder about the cellular nature of chemotherapy.  Is this unpleasant sensation the meds destroying dividing cells in my bone marrow?   And with chemtherapys’ slash and burn battle plan, I sure hope it is finding the intended target….those stupid cancer cells, too.  It sure seems like a lot of collateral damage must be incurred to get to the goal of eliminating cancer. 

And in the meantime, what the hell am I supposed to do?  Am I supposed to stop everything, and be still, or just move through the pain, and try to eek out a few moments of life in the day…  I must not be too bad, because I find I am really annoyed with just laying around.  I desperately want to go to the park, do things with my kids.  Last night Louie asked if we could ride bikes to the pool, and I felt so sad.  Yea, last year we rode our bikes to the pool, but this year…at least this week….it just is not possible.  The energy and skills necessary for that simple and fun exercise are beyond me, today anyways.  The best I can do is drive the five blocks and plop myself in one of the lounge chairs.  And I am grateful for that.




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One Response to “Now I get it about the rollercoaster….”

  1. Cathy Z Says:

    Rest and exercise – just what the doc ordered. Enjoy the little a nice nap on a summer afternoon, song of a bird, wind in the trees and the laughter of your children. You make us smile!

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