Nine Days after chemo and all’s well…………

Well,….all’s well physically anyways.  I am out of the achy and shaky part of the experience for this round of chemotherapy, and all I have is still a bit of  fatigue and a yucky taste in my mouth.  As long as I don’t try to do much, I am pretty good for about 5 hours of light activity before I have to lay down and chill-out.  I seem to be past the “be careful to monitor every stinkin’ little physical symptom”  state of mind, thank goodness. 

On Friday afternoon, Joan, my U of M nurse practitioner called to see how I was doing and explained a few things.  The reason the achiness was so intense is because you begin chemotherapy with nice and healthy bone marrow.  The action of chemo destroys some of your dividing cells of the bone marrow and to go from healthy to “compromised” is dramatic and significant  for your body.  Typically, in subsequent infusions the severity of the achiness should be slightly less, but may last for a few hours or days longer.  The fatigue, however, is just what it is.  It will probably get worse, last longer with each infusion. 

It has been challenging to find a place to remain “grounded”.  I mean, to constantly be focused upon your every physical sensation, monitor it, evaluate it and act…..whether the action be stop activity and lay down, feel discomfort and decide if it warrants medication, or take a run through the Internet to ferret out an answer.  At the same time, try to be a “mom”.  Of course, something will suffer, and I know that I am pretty weak on fulfilling the mom duties.  :^(     I seem to have zero patience for whining and fighting and fussing.  I mean it.  I wish I could ignore it better.  In fact, I probably make it worse, by my actions I’m sure.  Nothing to be proud of, that’s for sure.

Of course, the whole uncomfortable, tight, lopsided, short of skin and not too attractive chest is still part of my life.  The area under both arms is still really uncomfortable by the middle to end of each day, and I have to try to put it out of my mind at times.   I think I need to do more research on the “neuropathy” issue.  If I understand it on  a cellular level, I seem to deal with it better.  But damn, it can get so annoying on some nights………I get agitated quickly and go straight to the meds.  I don’t think this is the best way to deal with it though.  Fortunately, on July 9th (my next chemo day) I have an appointment with a Physical Therapist who works with a lot of Breast Cancer and Lymphadema patients.  Maybe she will have some great exercises for me to relieve this kind of chronic discomfort.  I wish I had learned Transcendental Meditation years ago when I tried so desparately to incorporate that into my life.  I wish I could just mentally take my brain to a higher level where physical discomfort…….isn’t so annoying.  I’m sure it is possible, I just don’t know how to do it.  Plus, I am impatient.  I want physical enlightenment now.

Now that I have done all this whining, my mind jumps to really how lucky I am.  Really.  I could have it so much worse.  I seem to be holding up under this gradual poisoning pretty well (so far).  I’m so grateful for not having any nausea.  I’ve made deals with my body to promise to rest when I am tired if we can skip the whole puking part of chemo.  So far, that has been a successful strategy.

I am also incredibly grateful for my friends who I have come to think of as my “new family”.  I couldn’t do this without all of the people who have brought food, called, helped with the kids, sent e-mails and snail mail and little “care packages”.  Both Lou and I are so grateful for all of the support.  I wish I could come up with the words that adequately express  my gratitude.  I appreciate you and love you all so much. 



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2 Responses to “Nine Days after chemo and all’s well…………”

  1. SCOTT Says:

    Dear kaylynne50 –
    My former wife learned the TM Technique while recovering at the U of M burn center. You mentioned you’d wished you’d learned TM. It is now easier than ever to learn with instructors in most areas. 1800LearnTM will get you going. I believe it will be good for you in re-gaining your bodies innate intelligence (managing 50 trillion cells) thru the transcending process.

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