‘Tis the night before chemo and all through the house………..

Well, it’s the night before chemo #2 and there’s a lot of anxiety that I can observe….makes me wonder, do I cause all of this?  Even the dog is acting kind of goofy….sigh…..

I will begin early early tomorrow in Ann Arbor with a “fitting” for a compression arm cuff for the left arm.  The lack of lymph nodes has provided me with more to think about.  Then blood tests, wait an hour, and see my oncologist.  I sure hope Dr. Schott and NP Joan are back.  I sure hope there is no reason to turn me away from chemo tomorrow.  I have a lot of “hoping” going on.  If I can get this chemo in, I’ll be able to say I am halfway done with chemo….and that is something to be grateful for.

I have been having an exceedingly difficult time working on my new classes for this next school year.  Way more difficult than usual.  I am able to think clearly, so far no “chemo-brain” effects, but I find that I am easily distracted with kids, and house stuff and “sick” stuff and finding it difficult to work at home.  I think in the coming weeks if the chemo effects aren’t too bad, I will have to find child care so I can remove myself and all my books to the library to try to focus in a different environment.  Thats’ got to work.

I feel good enough that the inconvenience of this cancer business is annoying me.  I wish I could just get through even half of a day without losing my focus.  I try and try and try to just forget about it, but it doesn’t seem to go away from my surface thinking for very long at a time and I’m really losing my patience.

Wish me good luck tomorrow afternoon, that Dr. Schott lets me get the meds.  And wish me a big dose of centered thinking and patience and acceptance of  “what is” for the coming weeks.  I’ll need it.

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