highs and lows are coming pretty fast and furious

wow.  This time around the chemo game the reality has changed.  For the first two infusions, it took five to seven days for the poison to really cause any discomfort and significantly affect my day to day living.   Not so for chemo #3….only took 48 hours to make me feel awful.  I am amazed, awed and dismayed. 

It is really amazing, how powerful the drugs are.  I don’t hate them, I even appreciate what they are doing.  I know that they are killing the DNA of dividing cells, even the good ones.  I want the chemo to do it’s job, even if it makes me feel bad.  I’ve even had a little anxiety about maybe four treatments isn’t enough and asked Dr. Schott if she should add a couple more infusions on to my plan.  She said no.  I would do it, I swear I would.  This whole experience has been such a pain in the ass I don’t ever want to do it again. 

I can’t believe how tired I am.  For the first two infusions yea, I felt tired….but I laid down, rested, maybe even for hours, but then I got up and felt OK to do something.  I dunno, but this time around it feels different and I am worried.  I feel tired and achy from the core of my body.  It seems like my spine is taking the hit this time around.  I feel the throbbing in my cervical vertebrae and in my scapula especially this morning. 

I feel so bad for my kids….what a bummer I am for them to live with this summer.  They have had way too much TV and video games, and I feel bad about that. 

I am especially bummed out that I don’t think I’ll make it to see the Unitarians today.  They are a source of goodness and happiness that I will sorely miss this week.

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2 Responses to “highs and lows are coming pretty fast and furious”

  1. gaely Says:

    Oh my dear friend….I am so sorry you have to experience this whole thing. The mantra I use for just about everything (especially while raising my children but it applies to just about all things in life) is “This too shall pass”. Know that your boys are probably thrilled with the level of t.v. and video game time they’re getting right now so don’t bring that guilt to the table. Rest, rest, rest so you can be better soon, soon, soon. Love you!

  2. Heather E. Arquette Says:

    Hey KayLynne- Please don’t get down. The boys are happy and very understanding. If they need time away you know that we are just a phone call away. They are more than welcome to come over and watch TV in our air conditioning. I know that I am getting ready for school, but I will always have time for you, and your family, my friend.
    Love you, Heather 🙂

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