not much better

Well, it is Monday morning, and it is the first day of the new school year that I am missing work.  Well, not a student day, but a Teacher Inservice day.  This is one of those work days that some teachers quietly grumble about, but I love teacher work day.   Seriously.  I love going in, and being PAID to sit and listen to whatever it is my administration thinks I need to know.  So this whole cancer odyssey that began way back in February….is going to mess up another school year for me, or at least the beginning of the year.

I went to the ER of Flower Hospital yesterday as recommended by the Oncologist on call at U of M.  They called my yucky hot and itchy rash a drug reaction, gave me a shot of epinephrine and some meds to take at home.  So far, I only see a slight improvement in the worst areas, but overnight my hands and wrists have swollen and are uncomfortable.  I am really starting to worry now that this condition can not possibly be gone by the next infusion date, 11 days away.  If I am refused my last infusion, that will just set everything a week behind, including returning to work.  I don’t think I’ll be able to handle that.

I so much want to just feel normal or whatever my “new normal” is and I want to feel like I am taking part in normal life things.  I don’t like what my daily life has become….it has been a summer of constant research into what is the best decision to make, how to best live with unpleasant side effects, how to avoid the worst side effects, and how to just live through it all.   All the while trying to put up some kind of front of “normalcy” …….. pretending to be just fine, when I’m not really.  I look forward to the day when I can be cheery and really feel like it.

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One Response to “not much better”

  1. Annette Says:

    hang in there pal! You have every right to complain and vent! I wish things were better for you but you looked beautiful on Thursday..only you can pull off bald and beautiful:)
    Remember, School will be there and although I know you will miss it and they will miss you, you have to deal with cancer..school will be there and it will be sooooo sweet when you return!
    Cut yourself some slack and go to that “Zen” place in your soul and focus on that damn disease and send it packing! HA
    We love you…

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