mantras’ of gratitude

So, here it is 6 am and I’ve been awake for an hour, even though I shouldn’t be because I fell asleep way too late and woke up too many times with teacher design ideas in my brain.  Could it be that my body just thinks it is going to go to school today or tomorrow, or tomorrow after tomorrow just because it is late August?  Wow….could this be body memory at work?  What a powerful thing….. 

Of course I know that I am not returning to work for three to four weeks, depending upon my next chemo infusion and whatever side effects may or may not lay in wait for me.  The mantras that I have quietly been whispering to myself  are:

 “embrace and rejoice in the final chemotherapy of your life”

“appreciate these powerful medications that will eradicate this destructive force in your body”

“appreciate the medical staff who personally care for me, for their knowledge and expertise will help keep me alive”

I know, it sound weird coming from a Unitarian, all this “praise and rejoice” kind of stuff, but yes, Unitarians DO give thanks and appreciation to the forces and people in the Universe who make life better. In addition, I am ever so grateful for my good job, with a good employer, that provides me with good health insurance.  Everyday,  every  single  day , I have thought, “where would I be without insurance?” and heaven knows I have lived at times without it….always due to employment lapses, or employers not able to provide insurance…….  I’m not going to go into a political rant here…..just so happy that my job, my teachers union has negotiated a pretty good insurance policy for all of us in the group.  OF COURSE, God forbid I ever lose my job or reach my lifetime maximum benefits, because I bet my “file” is now tagged somewhere in the insurance world as “high risk” because of cancer.  A cancer that, of course, is NOT lifestyle induced.  This one wasn’t my fault.  Thank God.  I can’t even imagine how a person who smokes all their life must feel when they get lung cancer or emphysema.  Or people who worship the sun, and “suntan” like crazy… must they feel when their Dermatologist launches into an explanation of skin cancer?  That would be a terrible feeling of stupidity and guilt I imagine.

Well, enough of that rambling on.  I am just grateful that I have once again woken up to a perfect day (I’m telling myself that anyways) my crappy hot itchy skin rash  hasn’t found any new destination  points on the topography of my body to invade (yet) today, and that is something to be grateful for indeed.  Today is going to be a great day even if I don’t get to go to work.



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