2 down, 26 to go

Today was my second radiation, and I’m getting used to it.  There is a little community in the radiology waiting room, all people who are getting their cells destroyed at the same time every day.  Some talk more, some talk less.  I must have looked like a wreck to them on Tuesday.  Today though, was the first day I was able to stride confidently back to the changing rooms, and then into the radiation room without any internal freaking out.  I asked about having music during my treatment…and there it was!  Maybe, just maybe, they will let me bring in my own CD.

Tonight I went to a Yoga Nidra class…it is a kind of “sleeping yoga” but not really sleeping.  Unless you are like me and accidentally fall out of consciousness.  Tonight, apparently my breathing was awfully close to snoring until I had a snort that jolted me out of the deepness and back to wakefulness.  I should have been embarrassed, except  it was too natural of a reaction.  

I am working hard on dropping into a meditative state while up on the radiation bed   Although it’s not much like a bed, more like a “slab”, but that sounds too much like a mortuary, and I’m trying to avoid all death references.  I’ve heard enough stories by well meaning strangers who, encouraged by my “cancer haircut,” relay tales about their cousin/friend/neighbor/aunt and blah blah blah that end with the cancer victim dying.  I am somewhat humored by this well intentioned interaction.  Then I’ll meet another person in my shoes who will tell a more somber story about a friend who has recently “lost their battle”  and then there is a stinging silent  second  of heart to heart connection where we both know that might be us too. 

 Kind of a reminder that our fabric of life here on this earth can be on a tenuous thread….and some fibers are a little bit frayed in a spot or two.

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