Fish Bowl

Well finally I get to get back here to write.  Yesterday I had technical difficulties which really threw me for a loop.  So far this forum, this place to write has really been one of the best things I have done throughout this whole ordeal.  The writing has sustained me, and once in a great while someone tells me something nice about it, and that gives me a big boost, too.  So being denied the chance to write placed me in a baaaadddd mood last night.

Yesterday, Monday, was radiation number four.  I now feel like I have two personalities when I drive into the parking garage at Hickman Cancer Center.  A big part of me is grateful, and just happy to be here, another part of me is annoyed, and crabby.  I know I need to keep the crabby girl in check.  Nobody wants to be around a crabby old lady who is consumed with thoughts of diet, exercise, and disease.  Including me.   I even annoy myself sometimes.


So I went to the hospital early yesterday thinking I was going to just sit in the fishbowl and relax and read for awhile before my appointment.  The “fishbowl” is a waiting room with a big fish tank in the middle of it.  They call it the fishbowl so the shell-shocked new patients have a focus on what to look for as they move down the hallway to their next waiting point, and for those of us who are past that day, it is a reference point of which (of the many) waiting area we are supposed to go to.   To wait.  A lot of waiting going on.  Many opportunities to observe multiple layers of humanity.

Yesterday an older woman was there for her first visit, you could tell by the way the nurse introduced herself.  This woman was there with her husband, and had the vacant stare of fatigue and apprehension that must be fairly common in us newbies.  I had the urge to say something to her, but what?  What could I offer?  Not much, really.  I am just beginning down this path myself.  I am mostly only pretending that I know what I am doing here.  Eventually my mind will catch up.

Right now I have to go, but I’ll be back to finish this post later.




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One Response to “Fish Bowl”

  1. gaely Says:

    very cool photo of you in the fishbowl. love you!

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