almost lost my boob tonight

OK–It was bad enough that I found myself in walmart tonight, but I nearly lost my new boob. 

Let me explain.  I mean about the walmart thing.  So, number one son needs a new pair of shoes for his uniform for League Cadets (the official Navy group for grade school boys and girls.  really, I’m not kidding…..) and the only place you can get them is at the w-place.  I have a standing vow to only enter the megamart as a store of veryveryvery last resort. 

I picked the kids up from school after 4:30 and we went straight to W.  Since I was sooo exhausted from work (left the house this morning at 6:45) and radiation, we proceeded to pick up a few other things desperately needed at our house….including a camisole for my poor little radiation burned chest.   Finding I can’t wear the industrial bra and super expensive prosthesis anymore…too heavy, and literally, rubs me the wrong way.   Since I finally received my “fluff” or “puff” or whatever the hell it is called from the “tlc” catalogue, I have been trying to figure out how to wear the fluffy fake boob.  I know, you would think that would be an easy thing to get done, but it is more complex than you might think…..

Anyways, tried on several camisoles, each one more annoying, almost ready to give up in frustration and disgust at the “new me” and my sartorial challenges, but the last cami was suitable enough to buy.  Not great mind you, but acceptable.  Of course the boys were fighting outside the dressing room, and I’m thinking, “This is what my life has come to???”  Buying cheap foreign made undergarments at Walmart with my kids fighting outside the dressing room???”  Christ, always thought I would at least rate department store lingerie…..sigh………….

Anyways, decide to buy it, and in a hurry left the dressing room and shoved the “puff/fluff” in my purse.  Realised I need to get hand sanitizer for school (LOTS of snot flying around there) no idea where it was, so I dropped the boys in the Lego aisle to do some wishful thinking while I hunted down the sanitary goo.  On the way to try to find it I walked by a shirt I just decided I must have for the big friggin’ pink day thing tomorrow………..grabbed a M and a L and whisked back to the dressing room thinking to myself, “whoa… I’m…..buying…….clothes made in China…to benefit the walton’s??”  As I turned the corner to jump feverishly back into the dressing room, there are two “associates” with my boob discussing whether or not it is a shoulder padding for something or…..what?  . Dang, I just paid $16.00 for that bit of fluff and I nearly lost it the very first ime I wore it?  Now, this is like an ice cream sundae full of pathetic. 

So what would you do if an associate at walmart was holding your boob?  I just said something like, “Oh, for gods sake, that’s my boob.  See I lost my boobs and now I can’t wear my real fake boobs, so I just got some fluffy fake boobs, and I can’t believe…blahblahblah…..”  By the time I got out of the dressing room there was a gaggle of associates at the dressing room entrance……I imagined to see the boob, but maybe they were just working…..


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4 Responses to “almost lost my boob tonight”

  1. gaely Says:


  2. Cheryl Deutsch Says:

    So, where are the sewing directions for your new hats? Though, I don’t have a machine, I’m sure I could sew a chapeau by hand; whether or not it’s wearable is the top(per’s) question.

    Okay now, wailing on Walmart? Actually, you made me smile. Until five years ago I’d only been inside a Walmart once. I felt sorry for all the small retailers crushed in the shadow of the world’s behemoth retailer. That is, until, we started doing boat shows (don’t ask) in some select Walmarts.

    About a year ago, when the market collapsed (Note Bene: New Administration term is DEflation) (don’t get me started) I was broke. There I was at the Mart of Wal nervously waiting with my drug prescriptions. I wondered if I had enough money. When it was ready, and the clerk announced some four plus dollars figure, I actually had tears well up in my eyes.

    I have no remedy for the small stores left tattered and ruined . . .nor for the many towns that could change their names to Walmartville . . .The world (not just Americans) has become a collection of greedy consumers. If the economy ever improves, when we can sit up and take notice, we’ll see just how many more small businesses crumbled.

    Should Americans pay higher drug prices (pharmaceutical manufacturers say SOMEONE has to be for R & D)? Why should it be us?

    Let’s not think about the Walton’s. Think about all the shiny new cars and jobs we’ve given to China. Love and kisses . . . now where are my egg roll recipes? xxs to you and Lou, Louie and Charlie

  3. Heather D. Says:

    I find myself asking, what WOULD I do if wal-mart associates were holding my fake boob? I think I’d have to mess with their heads. Say, “Oh, thank god you found my boob! I’ve been looking everywhere for it!” If possible, plop it right back in place. Or maybe tell them how much I paid and ask if they’ve got the same thing for less money. Ask which aisle the prosthetic devices are in.

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