tired+sick+guilt

So I really hate being this cautious.  I have a cold.  Really, I think it is just a plain old common cold.   Runny nose, sneezing and tired.  No big deal, only it kind of is when your immunity is down and you are already tired from killin’ cancer cells with radiation.

So I thought it a good idea to take off of work today so I could rest up….only I am running out of sick days kind of rapidly here, I really resent having to use sick days for run-of-the-mill sickness, I want to save them for the big-damn-deal kind of sick days like when I need to see the Cancerdoc’s.   But, none of that really matters I guess, it stopped being about “what I wanted” a looong time ago.  Really, I am grateful that I even HAVE any sick days……….

Besides, I need to send energy to my new dilemma.  My child care provider informed me last Friday that this is the last week she can watch the boy’s after school.  Hmmnn, the reason given sounds fishy, but that doesn’t change the fact that now I need to find a new child care solution in addition to trying to work full-time (not being very successful there) grade papers in a timely manner( only moderately successful) and posting those grades in an equally timely fashion (well, half of the grades are posted).  Of course, I am supposed to be exercising daily to mitigate the negative effects of radiation (yea, right, barely meeting this committment).  Feeling like a failure on so many accounts right now.

If I could just feel like I am doing one or two things well I’d be satisfied.  But I’m not there today.

Gotta go enter grades now before I add guilt to my already overloaded plate.

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3 Responses to “tired+sick+guilt”

  1. dawn h-s Says:

    erm….right there with you. It’s gotten to the point that I sort of hope students don’t turn in homework, just so I don’t have to do my part to deal with it. I don’t know what I’d do if I were actually in a classroom for 6 hours a day, 5 days a week. Well, I do know…I wouldn’t be doing it.

    Sorry to hear about the childcare woes. Childcare issues suck. I’m so happy that my kids don’t need it any more. I feel guilty enough for sending two of them to school full time this year, that I toy with the idea of bringing them back home next semester when I’m on leave…then I have a day like last Friday where I’m free all day and someone else is responsible for their learning, and I remember why school was invented. I actually told a teacher this year, “I am letting you know up front that I am going to be ‘one of those parents’ and you are totally responsible for his learning. Only come to me if it is a matter of life or permanent psychological impairment. Otherwise, it’s just 4th grade and nothing that happens or doesn’t happen this year will matter in two years, let alone five. Just get him through intact.”

  2. kaylynne50 Says:

    Ohhhhh! I LOVE that line to the teacher! I think I’ll use it at my kids conferences coming up!

  3. Heather D. Says:

    I feel that way, too, and I don’t even have cancer! I told Ken at church once, “I feel like I’m not doing anything to the best of my ability.” He said, “Heather, everyone feels like that.” I’m not used to that. I’m used to doing everything to the best of my ability. But I guess sometimes it’s just about getting by. I’m trying to get used to that idea.

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