more tired

So today I got to see Dr. R, Leader of the Radiators.  Did our usual, visit for a bit, then  business for a bit.  “Business” is his short list of “boring” questions which I mostly answer right, and today we ended with the skin issue.  Each time I get off the slab in the big white room of “machine C” I am noticeably a bit more….um……only one way to say it………burned.  Damn.  This is just sucking the life out of me by 12 square inches of what used to be my chest, now a sunken, scarred, wasteland.  (Remind me again why I am doing this.)  Now I noticed that it hurts to actually turn around and look behind me when backing up in my car.  And a bra…oh forget it.  Normally I would not care a bit, BUT  for the fact that I teach Junior High School.  It is kind of a job requirement.  If you want anyone to actually listen to anything you say, you need to have some semblance to normalcy….and that means a balanced frontside.  Tried putting the “puff” in a shelf bra camisole the last few days, but now, even that is UNcomfortable.  My lovely WalMart lingerie is now obsolete.  Like REALLY.  I have no idea what I am going to do tomorrow for a wardrobe in flux.

So Dr. R looked at my chest and provided me with a product that he kept emphasizing is French and called Biofine which is supposed to help the radiation burn.  Well, it’s been a few hours and so far…..no pain relief.  Still really uncomfortable.  Maybe it isn’t supposed to make you feel better.  I guess this is the payoff I get for leading a pain free life up to this point in time…….a little radiation and I am consumed by the discomfort.  That is when I am not consumed by the fatigue.  I am so sick of being so tired.  Have never experienced this in my life.  At least during the summer ‘o chemo, I had good days mixed in with the bad.  This is just one big long fatigue festival…………and it is really wearing me thin.

Bisphosphonates Newsflash

After the hospital and before complete exhaustion I got  a call from Nurse C, Clinical Study Recruiter.  I’d just been randomized!  Did I want to know which arm I received???  Well, since both have significant drawbacks I thought it didn’t matter much…..until I was told I received the IV method of delivery of the meds.  Needles don’t bother me, but I am curious how long it will take to have this infusion every month.  Will I need to take a day off each time?  Geez, I hope not.  Forgot to ask that question.  Sure hope that nasty ‘ol osteonecrosis of the jaw doesn’t enter my reality (the most severe side effect).  Yuck.  Gee maybe it does matter to me which arm of the study I receive.  Don’t hesitate to remind me that I am doing this to (potentially) prevent a metastasis of cancer to the bones….which NP Joan from U of M reminded me is far more life threatening than jawbone problems.  So, it is just another learning opportunity for me. 

Good News

Things I am thankful for:

  • colleagues who set warm coffecake on my desk before I get to work
  • and colleagues who bring me yummy lunch
  • old friends who leave sweet little notes on my car
  • great funny emails, sincere emails, “love you” emails
  • Dali Lama chanting CD that fits really well with the hum of radiation (no, really!  Even the radiators like it!)
  • Cookbooks for a cancer girl
  • a boss who cares
  • the delivery of red wine, “because it is supposed to help with radiation burn” (maybe I’m not drinking enough, I hadn’t thought of that!)
  • and the cards.  Thank you for the many cards.  Really.

 

Advertisements

Tags: , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: