four more

As of today, November third, I have four more radiation treatments.  I would say only four more, but honestly, I don’t know how I’m going to make it.  I feel like crying at the drop of a hat.  Any movement is so uncomfortable, but if I sit perfectly still, my skin stings and feels like it is shrinking into the size of a postage stamp.  It is challenging to think of clothes to wear to work that won’t touch the big radiation field on my left chest.  Hell, it is challenging to just put clothes on, to move my arm in that backwards kind of motion we all take for granted when we put on a shirt or jacket…..that hurts and pulls on the burned skin, and it feels like it is going to rip.  Of course, my radiators have assured me, it is not going to rip. 

Luckily, everyone around me has been so kind.   My principal and supervisor have been just wonderful and supportive.  I am so grateful for their empathy.  Dr. R, the radiators, and nurses at Flower have also been sensitive and responsive to my complaints.  Got a ‘script for prilosic for the reflux problem yesterday.  We’ll see how that works. 

Maybe I am more sensitive than the average person to radiation.  There is another woman with BC and gets radiated at the same time as me, she has no burns yet, and  has had 20 rads treatments.  I think this stage is just such a mental game.  It is a moment by moment challenge to rise mentally above the pain and exist on a separate plain.

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One Response to “four more”

  1. gaely Says:

    Hang in there girlfriend….you’re at the home (forgive me) stretch. Thinking of you so very much……love and tender hugs.

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