2:30 am + writing = anxiety (again)

I guess it is in anticipation of a visit to my plastic surgeon on Wednesday that has me up and writing again at this hour.  Well, that and the crazy hot flashes. But I have been increasingly concerned about what Dr. Barone will recommend for reconstruction options for the cancer-girl side of my chest.

What I want him to say: Sure, we can move skin from below the navel, place an expander implant under the tissue, and then later exchange it out for the big-girl “gummy bear” Cadillac variety silicone implants.

What I think he’ll say: Unfortunately,  radiation has damaged the blood supply to your skin at a microscopic level which results in a significantly greater risk of complications following surgery. These risks include infection, delayed healing, wound breakdown, and fat necrosis, as well as implant related problems such as extrusion and capsular contracture.*   The best option would be for a tram flap reconstruction on the left side followed by an implant replacement on the right side.

Thats what I think he’ll say.  And I feel ever so…. whats the word?  selfish?  vain?  ungrateful?  some combination of the three perhaps…. for being obsessed with the thoughts of how I want this done.

Never mind the fact that I know so little……but, I would really really like to have two breasts made out of the same stuff.  And the “stuffing” I’d like is the “gummi bear” implants.  Sorry Barone, you did a good job selling me on this way back last Spring, and now I want ’em.  Just don’t think you’re gonna give  ’em to me.

Stay tuned.  More information later. Right now I’ve cooled down and I’m going to try to sleep.  again.  5:00 alarm comes awfully early.

*paraphrased from breastreconstruction.org/

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