anxious, disappointed, waiting….

and it ain’t for Santa.

Exactly one week ago I travelled 20-some miles to one of the few Quest Lab in the area to get my biweekly blood test to check my estrogen level.  Too much estrogen floatin’ around in my body is bad.  It means the daily dose of Arimidex* I am taking to inhibit my estrogen loving cancer from finding a place to cozy up and reproduce can’t do its job.  As my new BFF’s in the oncology department at U of M said, “it is as if you are taking nothing at all.”  Ouch. 

NP Joan expected to hear from the lab today.  I called and left emails.  Usually she emails back.  I have obsessively checked my emails, and kept my cell phone in my hand.  Wouldn’t normally be babysitting this thought quite so carefully except that last blood test was higher than expected, and Joan suggested I hold off renewing the exorbitantly expensive ‘script if I had a few days left.  If the E level came back high this time, she would have…….what….I don’t know.  We never got that far in the conversation.  It was a wait and see.  I just don’t know if I can hold my breath all the way till next week without breaking something.  Like me.

I am so disappointed I could cry.  Trying to convince myself that another week without an answer won’t make any difference, but my brain can’t seem to let it go.

*For more info on Arimidex: http://drugarimidex.wordpress.com/author/forestadowns/

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