just for the record, cancer still sucks

and it is a big time suck, too. I’ve had three days off of work, and really thought I might be able to get “a little caught up” in the time between appointments, before appointments or after appointments.  Caught up on all the “task” kind of paperwork I need to do for work, for insurance, for home, for kids, for myself……….but no…..  I’m barely there. 

Last week I had a disatisfying appointment with my PS.  I hate it when a favorite person, in this case, my favorite doc, says things that knocks him off the pedestal I’d placed him on….   On Friday, the boobwithamindofherown had been kind of stable for a few days.  Only increasing in size by a mere 1/4″ here and there for the previous three days.  Former favorite doc suggested, “It’s your perception of what is going on” and then made a few other comments that just……seemed not right.  Hell yes it’s my perception, and I’ve had this damn implant inside of me for over 9 months, and I know her quite well.  I know how she moves, how she like to be slept on how, the movements she doesn’t like, and basically the detailed minutae of the ergonomics of this particular boob.  Know it well.  And when she increased in size, I knew that, too.  I just don’t know WHY the things have changed, and I want a better answer than I have received.  And I wanna get that answer from my favorite doc.  I really don’t want to get another opinion, or go anywhere else for more information, but apparently, I may have to do that.  Big sigh on this one………  And how many days off of work is THIS going to require?

Today 3/15/10

7:15 am.  Overslept.  Made it to Hickman Cancer Center 10 minutes late for Radiation Onco Man.  Love this guy.  Asks lots of questions.  Lots of people, including other docs ask him lots of questions.  He is interrupted in my time with him, about 5, 6, 7 times?  Love him even though he thinks doing a reconstruction is not medically necessary, so why do it?  

Immediately after Onco-Man, I hustled off to the blood suckers to have 3 vials of blood removed, and then the nurses kindly let me pick out my own spot for the transfusion, even though it would be another 20-30 minutes before my labs would be back and they would decide if I had a green light for the Zometa infusion.  I love my new nurse here.  When she tucks me in with two warmed blankies, I half expect her to kiss the top of my head and bring me warm milk and read me a story, thats how nice she is.  Instead I got some peanut butter and grahm crackers and a cup of herbal tea.  Not a bad snack while waiting for the green light for the infusion.  Eventually the labs come back, and the numbers, which I actually kind of understand now look good, so now it was just a wait for the pharmacy to mix up the Zometa cocktail just for me. 

During this wait, I realize I am the youngest person BY FAR in the entire infusion center.  Not that I like young people with cancer or big deal health problems, I just hate being the youngest one there, because my “whatthehellamIdoinghere?” demons begin to rear their ugly heads.  I begin to think I’m too young for this, when I clearly know it is an equal opportunity …..ummm….killer.  Not that it’s going to kill me or anything, at least not yet.  At least thats my plan.  Finally I get the little bag of Zometa, they throw in a free cup of chicken and rice soup, and manage to convince me to order lunch as I’ll surely be there  for that too.  I doze off a little, eat a little lunch, and become a little anxious that I’ll miss my Victory Center appointment, and I almost do, too.  Zometa is fianlly done at 12:20, and my appointment with Tom at TVC, a 15 minute drive away is at 12:30.

What a blessing The Victory Center is.  Of course I was late, but no matter….Tom is mellow, and had the right tuning forks ready, and worked his magic in the form of the sound therapy and the reiki.  Lucky me.  I am able to “drop off” the edge of normal consciousness pretty quickly now, and into a realm where time and space have different meanings.  Thank goodness.

Still had one more appointment.  Had to leave another vial of blood at the Quest lab for my standing order for the estradial levels.  This one barely dripped out.  What’s that mean?

Came back to Perrysburg, stopped by superneighbors, Faye and John, they helped me enter about 750 grades………..whew………then licketysplit just like that, it was time to go home and pick up Louie for Dog Training class, and take him where…..?  You guessed it, right back to Toledo, almost the same street I was on for the last blood draw.  Finally got home around 7:30 pm.

Busy days.  Cancer sucks.  Can’t wait for Spring Break.  Cancer better not mess up this Spring break this year, or I’ll REALLY be a pain to deal with.

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