Archive for May, 2010

lucky me

May 31, 2010

lucky me, my support person, BFF from 20 years back, Sue, has arrived in Ohio to be the back-up backbone of the family while I enter phase four of the cancerland ride. 

In three days I will have the first of three surgeries (the “delay procedure”) for the breast reconstruction process.  Tomorrow morning I have an appointment at St. Vincents Hosptial for a pre-surgery exchange of information and body fluids. 

Eyes wide open, I am anxious, in a good kind of way, for this process to begin. Once it begins, it is then just a matter of time and experiences before it will be done.  and over. 

I feel no fear at all, so please don’t be afraid for me.  It’s just not necessary.

drain tubes

May 23, 2010

I have 14 days worth of “drain tube” records documents at my bedside.  Filled my prescriptions for pain medications, an antibiotic, and post surgery vitamins.  The days I have been waiting for are finally drawing near, and I am slightly unsettled, and getting anxious to be moving forward.

 

For the last couple of weeks in addition to being tired, everything also aches.  These aches seem to come from deep within my bones.  Side effect of Arimidex?  maybe Zometa?  I think both are possible and neither can be positively confirmed.  Every day I compel my body to get up and move.  I just put one foot in front of the other and then repeat.  If I keep doing that eventually I’ll feel like moving.  Some days that trick works and other days, well, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other.  

things are beginning to pick up around here.

May 19, 2010

 

Nothing says “it’s time for surgery” quite like an autologous blood donation.  So yesterday I went to the Red Cross and stuck out my arm so I could bank a bag of blood.   With any luck, it will have been a needless precaution, and Dr. B won’t have to use it during my “big deal” surgery on June 17th.

I haven’t posted much as I have been dog tired after days that begin at 5 am and end at 10 pm or later.  School is almost out, and that means lots of extra work from grading to packing up two classrooms, final reports etc.  In addition, trying to get ready for two surgeries, plus be a mom, and try to pick up the slack at home since Lou has been disabled by knee surgery.  It has been an intense month in all spectrums of life.

But I’ll keep you posted on all the highpoints right here.

Today, May 4, 2010 is the……..

May 4, 2010

……….1 year anniversary of my bilateral mastectomy.  

Like most of my days lately, it was very busy……slept in until 4:45 am, then got up to finish grading poorly written papers before the coffee was even brewed, cleaned the kitchen, made son a 3 egg cheese omelet, and then drove him into T-town for 9 am medical appointment, and back home with just enough time to rush off to work myself, worked half day, taught four classes, 86 kids, and then entered grades for two classes with moments to spare before the grade entering window slammed shut.  Was done at school by 4:20, dashed off to purchase supplies for food demo and labs this week and got caught up in the 5 pm rush at the store……….only to discover the first store didn’t have all the required ingredients….. big sigh……hustle back to Perrysburg, and oh-bonus activity, got to stop by the library to vote, THEN home to make dinner, spaghetti for us, pita pizzas for kids, clean up the kitchen, head back out to second grocery store to buy the rest of supplies…..big sigh again…not enough of the whole wheat pitas there either dammit, will have to go grocery shopping AGAIN tomorrow morning BEFORE school…moderated a fight between the boys and then got the kids ice cream at the good Hershey’s Ice Cream Shop.  Actually sat down for a couple of minutes to watch the local girl on American Idol.  Figured out what to wear to school tomorrow. ALL THE WHILE THINKING………..gee, that whole breast removal thing that occurred a year ago today…..seems like such a big damn deal that I should recognize it somehow.  Maybe even celebrate it in some way.  All day, I was perplexed at the thought of how do you recognize such a wierd, life-transforming event as a mastectomy?   Find something you love and cut it off?

Only now have I realized that I did celebrate that stupid mastectomy.  by living.  by still being here for my kids (as imperfect a parent as I am….)  still being a teacher.  still moving on this planet.

stupid cancer hasn’t killed me yet.  chemotherapy and radiation, survived both of them, too.  They all really suck, and I’m going to some day get beyond this phase of life of daily incredulous rediscovery of…..my life with stupid cancer.

But on the bright side, it could be so, so much worse.  I am grateful for all the gifts I’ve been given…even crappy ones, for each experience, if it doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger.

Sunday night quickie

May 2, 2010

It’s pretty bad when you can’t wait for Monday morning because once you get to work, all you are expected to do is your job.  Just one job.  It’s not even 9 pm and I am completely spent.  Not an ounce of energy left.

Poor husband is still in bad shape from “minor” knee surgery nearly 3 weeks ago, and I really do feel bad for him, but it is difficult for me to pick up even a fraction of the work he usually does along with my work too.  Workin’ my fingers to the bone and all that.  Now I have a slowly swelling left wrist, and I greatly fear lymphoma is creeping up on me, and I am scared again.

Next surgery dates are June 3 and “the big one” is June 17.  All I can think about is the echo of my PS saying, “you’ve got to be in tip top shape for this surgery.”

yep.  definitely scared.