Posts Tagged ‘Oncologists’

‘Tis the night before chemo and all through the house………..

July 15, 2009

Well, it’s the night before chemo #2 and there’s a lot of anxiety that I can observe….makes me wonder, do I cause all of this?  Even the dog is acting kind of goofy….sigh…..

I will begin early early tomorrow in Ann Arbor with a “fitting” for a compression arm cuff for the left arm.  The lack of lymph nodes has provided me with more to think about.  Then blood tests, wait an hour, and see my oncologist.  I sure hope Dr. Schott and NP Joan are back.  I sure hope there is no reason to turn me away from chemo tomorrow.  I have a lot of “hoping” going on.  If I can get this chemo in, I’ll be able to say I am halfway done with chemo….and that is something to be grateful for.

I have been having an exceedingly difficult time working on my new classes for this next school year.  Way more difficult than usual.  I am able to think clearly, so far no “chemo-brain” effects, but I find that I am easily distracted with kids, and house stuff and “sick” stuff and finding it difficult to work at home.  I think in the coming weeks if the chemo effects aren’t too bad, I will have to find child care so I can remove myself and all my books to the library to try to focus in a different environment.  Thats’ got to work.

I feel good enough that the inconvenience of this cancer business is annoying me.  I wish I could just get through even half of a day without losing my focus.  I try and try and try to just forget about it, but it doesn’t seem to go away from my surface thinking for very long at a time and I’m really losing my patience.

Wish me good luck tomorrow afternoon, that Dr. Schott lets me get the meds.  And wish me a big dose of centered thinking and patience and acceptance of  “what is” for the coming weeks.  I’ll need it.

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not brave, (pissed off maybe)

May 22, 2009

It has been sugggested to me a number of times how brave I am for dealing with breast cancer so valiantly and sharing so openly. Thanks, but I don’t deserve it.  Really.  I’m not brave.  I did not have any choice. When the cards were dealt this time, I just got a “bad hand”, and I’m trying to make the best of it.

People who are brave, are the ones who have the choice to play it safe or take a great risk for the benefit of others.  Not me.  I wouldn’t have taken this leap willingly.  Not even to help support and educate others.

KARMA  

I still, despite my very first post, cling to the notion of karma. It is for this reason it is so important for me to share this experience.  It is not even cerebral, it is more “instinct”. Maybe it is because I am a teacher I am driven to write, to talk, to share. I have met so many women in this, my first short trip to Cancerland so far that have helped me with just their conversation, how can I not do the  same?

MET MY FIRST ASSHOLE  

Might have to come back and change that title, but that is how I feel about this as yet unamed person at 5:28  am Friday morning.  Yesterday, I called my oncologists’ office to be sure it was OK to bring along a second support person to my first meeting with the Doctor who will be giving me my plan for killin’ rogue Cancer cells.  

It was some person “upstairs” at the Toledo Hospital Cancer Care Center who said I would have to write a proposal and submit it to the board (at their monthly board meeting for their approval) before I could bring a support person who would be holding a camera.  Yea, OK, he is a photographer and I suppose that makes some PR people weak in the knees, but this is my decision about my health odyssey. Be dammed with HIPPA!  I’d carry my own camera, but the literal truth is I can’t carry more than a couple of pounds without pain in my chest.  Any suggestions about what I should do to reverse this “policy”?